Why Marriage 101 Should Be a Required College Course

We are more connected than ever before in history, and yet we are lonelier. In our fast paced, tech-savvy world full of instant connections, we’ve lost our understanding of how to find and maintain true, deep love. There are more divorces, less marriages, more single-parent homes, more suicides, and more depression and anxiety today than our grandparents’ generation could ever imagine. Social connections are weaker and are thought to be the primary reason for the increased suicide rate over the past decade.

Young adults are particularly at risk. Research indicates that 18- to 34-year-olds report significantly higher levels of loneliness and mental health issues, which are often interconnected, than middle-aged and elderly adults. Clearly, we are missing the mark on the very thing we were created for: connection and intimacy. And despite findings from Harvard’s 75-year longitudinal study that “the secret” to flourishing is strong and safe relationships, we are swimming in a cultural sea where dependence is a dirty word, hook-ups are normalized, and love is a fleeting emotion. It’s no wonder young adults today are struggling. 

One solution? Make Marriage 101 a (required) college course to help young adults prepare for marriage—before they walk down the aisle or (even better) before they get engaged. 

Married Education for the Next Generation

As a professor and clinical psychologist who completed a post-doctoral fellowship in couples and family therapy, I admit that I’m biased. I love studying relational science. But the impetus to design and pilot a Marriage 101 course was not simply based on research that indicates that nearly every dimension of happiness is influenced by the quality of one’s marriage; it was based on the sobering reality of having numerous “ring by spring” couples on my caseload that were all going through divorce… and none of them had reached the age of 30!

We can do better, I’d think after every session. We must do better. 

And so Marriage 101: Learning to Love Well and Build Kingdom Relationships was born at Westmont College, a Christian liberal arts college where I teach in Santa Barbara, California. I have been leading this course ever since the first class launched in 2020. 

We are swimming in a cultural sea where dependence is a dirty word, hook-ups are normalized, and love is a fleeting emotion. It’s no wonder young adults today are struggling. 

Lessons on Love, Sex, and Marriage

The main objective of Marriage 101 is to examine the institution of marriage from a psychological, interdisciplinary, and Biblical perspective—and to introduce students to the field of relationship science as it applies to love, sex, and marriage. The goal is to help college students prepare for a successful marriage one day.

The underlying structure of the semester-long course is based on 10 sections:

1. Love and Marriage Over Time. This section sets the stage for the class as we discuss the importance of relationship education and research-backed reasons to study and learn about dating and intimate relationships. We briefly discuss the history of marriage and the ways it has changed over time, including present-day cultural views. Additionally, we explore the Biblical meaning of marriage—defining and examining covenantal and consumer relationships—and how one’s core values impact marriage. 
2. Relational Self Awareness: What’s your once upon a time? We examine classic and emerging research in this module, specifically focused on attachment theory, and discuss how our attachment style plays a critical role in relationships. Students are encouraged to reflect on their family of origin story and how their early relationships impact the way they love. Insight, maturity, and self-understanding is emphasized.
3. A Closer Look at the Fairytale and Discoveries in Relational Science. Students spend time discussing and deconstructing the myths of love, dating, and marriage they have internalized. Class lecture and small group discussion time focuses on how certain cultural beliefs are a hindrance to developing healthy relationships (e.g. “there is one perfect soul mate out there for me”). Research findings are presented that speak to a more realistic view of love as an attachment bond that grows over time. 
4. Mars, Venus, or Planet Earth? Roles of Men and Women. In this module, students are encouraged to think about gender roles and how their personal views on gender shape both dating relationships and marital dynamics. Societal expectations are examined in relation to division of labor, parenting, decision-making power, and relational health. Complementarianism and egalitarianism are also defined and discussed as frameworks that shape gender roles in marriage.
5. Partnering Across Cultural Differences. We also explore the complexities, challenges, and strengths of intercultural couples as well as societal expectations, attitudes, and reactions to intercultural marriages. Students have the privilege of hearing a panel of intercultural married couples speak, sharing both their challenges and triumphs.
6. From Here to ‘I Do’: Expected & Unexpected Challenges in Intimate Relationships. This section begins by exploring research on forgiveness and ways forgiveness and apologies are crucial to emotional and relational health. Laws of attraction, partner selection, and stages of marriage are discussed as well as anticipated challenges such as division of labor, work-life balance, and parenting. Additionally, we explore more intense, unanticipated challenges that might show up in marriage, specifically addiction, infidelity, and abuse. 
7. The Art of Fighting Fair. Given that the capacity to manage conflict well is a predictor of marital stability and success, students reflect on their view of conflict–how they define it, what their typical response is, how it’s potentially benefited and harmed their relationships, etc. We then discuss common conflict areas in marriages, differentiate between perpetual and solvable problems, and discuss how our attachment systems impact the way we navigate conflict. This part of the course concludes with a five-step model of effective reparation (that I developed as part of an online Marriage Bootcamp course).
8. Communication: The Lifeblood of Relationships. Communication styles and skills are also explored as students are encouraged to think through the ways their family of origin communicated–both verbally and non-verbally–and what patterns they might be repeating, whether consciously or not. Specific skills such as “Speaker-Listener Technique” are taught and practiced in break out groups. 
9. Sex in Intimate Relationships. Our discussion of sex teaches that sexual intimacy is a good gift from God intended exclusively for a covenantal marriage. Large and small group discussions focus on cultural messages about sex as well as ways the church has been a socializing agent, especially related to purity culture and gendered messages regarding sexual arousal and desire. Students spend time individually reflecting on their own, unique sexual story. Lecture also focuses on the importance of communication and mutual satisfaction and enjoyment as components of healthy sexuality.  
10. Conclusion: Reclaiming the Story of Love. We focus on key takeaways during the conclusion of the course. Students identify and have an opportunity to reflect on assignments completed in the course and personal takeaways, including promises to themselves regarding future relationships.

I’m pleased to say Marriage 101 is the most popular class on campus—so popular, in fact, that our largest classroom was unable to fit the number of students who wanted to take it last semester! What I’m more pleased about, though, is that there have been no divorcing couples on my caseload since Marriage 101 was born; just couples coming my way for pre-marital counseling.

Andrea Gurney, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, professor of psychology at Westmont College, author of Reimagining Your Love Story: Biblical and Psychological Practices for Healthy Relationships, and creator of Marriage Bootcamp—a research-backed e-course designed to help couples strengthen their marriage.