What AI Romantic Companions Can Never Replace

Imagine feeling lonely, anxious, or uncertain, and having someone available instantly. Someone who always responds, never criticizes you, never gets tired of listening, and consistently tells you that you are valued and important. For a growing number of people, that "someone" is not another person. It’s an AI companion.

The rise of AI companionship is occurring during a critical developmental period for many users. Emerging adulthood, typically spanning the late teens through the twenties, is often marked by uncertainty about careers, identities, friendships, and romantic relationships. As emerging adults search for connection and stability, AI companions offer a new way of meeting emotional needs that previous generations never experienced. 

Recent research by Brian Willoughby and colleagues suggests that engagement with AI technologies designed to simulate romance or sexual relationships is increasingly common, particularly among emerging adults. In a national U.S. sample, nearly 1 in 4 reported interacting with AI chat technologies designed to simulate romantic partners, and about 1 in 7 emerging adults who are dating, engaged, or married report regularly interacting with AI romantic companions.

At first glance, these technologies seem capable of meeting one of humanity's deepest needs—to feel understood and connected. Yet decades of relationship research suggest that emotionally healthy relationships require more than reassurance and responsiveness. They also depend on trust, mutual investment, sacrifice, and confidence in a shared future. In other words, they depend on commitment.

This raises an important question: What happens when reassurance becomes infinitely available, but commitment does not?

The Rise of Artificial Reassurance

AI companions are appealing because they provide something many people struggle to find: consistent responsiveness. Unlike human relationships, AI companions are available around the clock, respond almost instantly, and provide emotional support without fear of rejection or judgment. Research suggests that many users view these systems as easier to talk to than other people because they offer a predictable source of attention and validation. 

Emotional validation and encouragement are now available on demand in ways that previous generations never experienced. 

From an attachment perspective, this makes sense. People naturally seek comfort when they feel anxious or uncertain. Individuals who struggle with loneliness, social anxiety, rejection, or attachment insecurity may find AI companions especially attractive because they provide reassurance without many of the risks that accompany human relationships.

In many ways, AI companions represent a reassurance revolution. Emotional validation and encouragement are now available on demand in ways that previous generations never experienced. 

Why Commitment Still Matters

So what’s the problem?

AI companions may be exceptionally good at providing reassurance. Yet relationship science suggests that reassurance and security are not the same thing. Reassurance helps answer an immediate question: "Am I okay right now?" But security answers a different question:"Can I count on this relationship in the future?"

For decades, commitment researchers have argued that relationship stability and security are not only built through positive feelings but also through dedication, sacrifice, mutual investment, and confidence in a shared future. Commitment provides a sense that another person is choosing to remain invested in the relationship tomorrow, next month, and years from now—despite the hard times the relationship will face.

Humans also appear to be highly sensitive to not only commitment itself but also signs that commitment exists. Research led by Samantha Joel and Paul Eastwick along with 84 other researchers found that perceived partner commitment was one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction. This may be because confidence in a partner's commitment helps answer one of the most important questions people ask in close relationships: Can I count on this relationship in the future?

An AI companion can say, "I care about you." It can simulate affection, loyalty, and devotion. But commitment involves more than words. Commitment requires an independent person capable of sacrifice, investment, and decision-making directed toward a shared future.  An AI companion can simulate commitment. A human partner can actually commit. That distinction may matter more than we realize.

An AI companion can simulate commitment. But a human partner can actually commit. That distinction may matter more than we realize.

For individuals struggling with attachment insecurity, AI companions may be especially appealing because they provide immediate reassurance. Yet if security develops through learning to trust another person's commitment, reassurance without genuine commitment may leave individuals trapped in a cycle of validation seeking rather than lasting security.

Emerging Adults Search for Security

These questions may be especially important during emerging adulthood. This stage of life is often characterized by exploration, instability, and uncertainty as emerging adults navigate education, careers, identity development, and romantic relationships. For many emerging adults, romantic relationships become an important context for identity exploration and future planning. As they consider who they want to become and what kind of life they hope to build, relationships often play a central role in those decisions.

Not surprisingly, feelings of uncertainty are common during this period. Often during this time, dating relationships are changing, long-term plans may still be taking shape, and many emerging adults are trying to balance a desire for intimacy with a desire for independence. Research suggests that conversations about relationships, commitment, and the futureoften become important ways to navigate these uncertainties as they develop greater confidence in themselves and their relationship.

In this context, AI companions may feel particularly attractive. They offer immediate connection without many of the risks that accompany human relationships. They do not reject us, end relationships unexpectedly, or require the difficult conversations that often accompany growing commitment.

Yet these same features raise an important developmental question: If emerging adulthood is partly about learning how to form healthy, committed relationships, what happens when emotional support becomes increasingly available through virtual relationships that require little vulnerability, sacrifice, or mutual investment?

Another concern involves opportunity costs. Many emerging adults hope to build a long-term partnership, marry, or raise a family. Yet pursuing those goals requires time, effort, vulnerability, and a willingness to engage in real relationships. Dr. Scott Stanley has compared mate selection to waiting for a train, noting that some individuals become so focused on finding the perfect option that they never board one at all.

Rather than waiting for real-life relationships to develop through vulnerability, sacrifice, and mutual investment, AI companions may offer what feels like a relationship shortcut.

AI companions raise a somewhat different question: What happens if artificial relationships become comfortable enough that some people stop pursuing real-world relationships altogether? Rather than waiting for real-life relationships to develop through vulnerability, sacrifice, and mutual investment, AI companions may offer what feels like a relationship shortcut, providing immediate validation without many of the challenges that often foster growth in real-world relationships. The concern is not simply that AI may provide companionship, but that individuals may miss opportunities to develop relationships with actual partners while relying on a source of connection that cannot fully participate in a shared future. 

Recent research also raises important questions about how AI companions may influence real-world relationships. Studies of emerging adults who were dating, engaged, or married found that regular AI companion use was associated with poorer communication and lower relationship stability. Many users also reported preferring conversations with their AI companion to conversations with their real-life partner. While these findings do not establish causation, they suggest that AI companions may be reshaping how some emerging adults experience intimacy, connection, and relationship expectations.

Real Relationships Take Work

AI companions may provide comfort, companionship, and reassurance. Yet relationship science suggests that lasting security depends on more than feeling understood in the moment. Real relationships require two people who freely choose to invest in one another, navigate uncertainty together, and build a shared future.

This distinction may be particularly important during emerging adulthood. The developmental task is not simply finding someone who makes us feel good in the moment. It is learning how to build relationships that foster mutual growth, withstand challenges, and provide lasting security over time. Those experiences emerge through vulnerability, sacrifice, responsiveness, and commitment, qualities that are difficult to replicate in highly personalized artificial relationships.

As artificial companionship becomes increasingly common, researchers will continue to examine its influence on dating, commitment, and family formation. Yet decades of relationship science point to a consistent conclusion: people thrive when they believe another person is genuinely invested in a shared future with them. An AI companion may be able to simulate that experience. A committed partner can make it real.

D. Scott Sibley, Ph.D., LMFT, CFLE is an Associate Professor in Human Development and Family Sciences in the School of Clinical and Developmental Sciences at Northern Illinois University. He researches commitment in couple relationships and romantic relationship formation. Learn more about Dr. Sibley and his research team at DecideToCommit.com.

Brooklynn Garcia is a senior at Northern Illinois University majoring in Human Development and Family Sciences with an emphasis in Family Social Services. She plans to attend graduate school to become a marriage and family therapist.

Editor's Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views, policies, or positions of the Institute for Family Studies.

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