Gratitude With No Limit

The place of gratitude in human life is at once obvious and remarkably complex. Great pagan philosophers (such as Seneca) as well as Christian theologians (such as Thomas Aquinas) have treated it at some length. This much is clear: learning both to be grateful and to express it regularly are central to the art of living a good life. 

Whatever the precise history of our American celebration of Thanksgiving, this holiday offers great opportunity each year to take stock of how we’re doing in the realm of gratitude. To aid us in this, we can consider some insights of our great thinkers about this simple but demanding reality. 

An Excerise in Thankfulness

Human life should be an exercise in gratitude. This is not an exaggeration but rather a precise statement. As Aquinas explains in his masterful treatise on justice in the Summa Theologiae, there is a hierarchy of persons and communities to whom we are indebted: God, our parents, our nation, others who have authority over us, our teachers, and other ‘benefactors’ in daily life. To some we owe worship and/or service of various kinds. But to all we owe gratitude. 

One aspect of this that I have always found a bit bracing is that we can never sufficiently make a return for what we have received from our parents. It feels a bit odd to have a permanent debt that will in some sense always remain unpaid. 

But, in fact, there is nothing wrong here at all but rather something quite right. Our primordial ‘benefactors’ have not given with the purpose of obligating us. They have given freely and out of love. This ‘unpayable’ debt then is a powerful and universal reminder (for we all have parents!) of a truth at the heart of human existence. Everything we are and have is gifted to us, and so our very life is encompassed with a generosity that cannot be repaid. This insight gives foundation and a focus to gratitude as a primary disposition in human life.

In addressing the magnitude of what we have received from our parents, Aquinas, following Seneca, offers another helpful and encouraging observation that in making a return to those who do good to us, the will, or interior disposition, of both the giver and the repayer is most important. They conclude that there can be a truly satisfactory return (even to parents) in the heart of the offspring, if he or she really wills to give back as much as possible.

The deepest reason for gratitude is that we have been loved with a gratuitous, everlasting love.

A final point from Aquinas rounds out our theoretical basis for considering the importance of gratitude. In what might seem a bit over-the-top, Aquinas argues that in giving gratitude one should always strive to surpass the gift offered. But then he raises a key objection against his own position: this would seem to lead to an endless cycle of more and more gratitude being owed. In replying to the objection, Aquinas does not flinch or scale back his assertion. He writes: 

The debt of gratitude flows from charity [a supernatural love], which the more it is paid the more it is due,” and thus, “it is not unreasonable if the obligation of gratitude has no limit.

No limit in gratitude! In the end, then, the deepest reason for gratitude is that we have been loved with a gratuitous, everlasting love. This is no exaggeration, but sound theology, rooted in (even while exceeding) sound philosophy. You couldn’t make this up. 

A Debt of Gratitude

These insights give real impetus for considering how our Thanksgiving celebration can grow our gratitude. For starters, our celebration can bring to light a crucial and too often overlooked truth, and challenge, at the heart of existence. Independent of any choice on our part, we enter this world owing gratitude with no limit.

I can picture a child asking an adult why we celebrate Thanksgiving every year. This is, in fact, a reasonable question, since this holiday is less connected with a significant event than most other holidays. Perhaps this year we should ask this question ourselves (if a child doesn’t ask us first), whether at dinner or some other suitable time. Then we can share that in addition to echoing the ‘thanksgiving’ of early settlers and Americans down through the years, we want this day to manifest our desire to grow our gratitude to others and to God without limit! Truly.

Giving thanks expresses our deepest convictions about who we are and about the meaning of life. If we owe thanks to a whole range benefactors, beginning with God and including others in varying degrees of proximity to us, then cultivating a proper sense of gratitude calls for offering consistent thanks in a variety of ways and contexts. 

Sometimes references to ‘being thankful’ or ‘giving thanks’ with no specified person as object might dilute a sense of the primacy of God as the main object of our gratitude. At the same time, ‘being thankful’ can name a disposition or readiness to recognize what we have received from any source. The mannerly practice of verbally thanking all who serve us, including those serving us food, holding the door, or ringing up our tab in a store, goes a long way toward training the eye to recognize just how much we receive—and what we owe back in the form of thankfulness.

Such a debt might at first seem burdensome, if not overwhelming. Here elders and parents can lead by reminding the young with word and example that “the debt of gratitude flows from love,” and is returned in love. Yes, our gratitude is owed. But what a gift we are given in the very fact that we owe it! So, we give back of our own volition, and we give joyfully.

If nothing else, we can begin on Thanksgiving Day with two simple resolutions: first to be more consistent and indeed constant in saying ‘thank you.’ And second, to strive really to mean it, willing it more deeply, every time we say it. With no limit.

John Cuddeback writes at LifeCraft, offering principles and encouragement for renewing life in the home. You can find his podcast, “The Intentional Household,” here.