Here's How We Can Turn the Tide on the Dating Recession

Ask almost any single 20-something today about their romantic life, and you will likely hear a variation of the same exhausted refrains: “There’s nobody good out there.” “I’m taking a break; it’s been too hard.” “Nobody wants anything serious.” “The whole dating thing . . . it’s broken!”

It is so easy to look at the landscape of modern romance—dominated by endless swiping and non-committal situationships—and conclude that young Americans have simply abandoned the traditional ideals of love and marriage.

Yet, empirical data tells a different story. One that moves us beyond concern about the current dating landscape and toward concrete action to improve it. Reversing this trend will take a coordinated effort, which is why we are calling educators, clinicians, researchers, and ministry leaders to join our upcoming Dating Education Action Network launch event (so make sure to read to the end!)

According to the 2026 landmark report by IFS and the Wheatley Institute, The Dating Recession, 86% of young adults explicitly state that they expect to get married someday (or at least are open to it). Furthermore, about half of young adults in their prime dating years report that marriage is a primary life goal for them at this time in their life. And contrary to what so many young adults believe and the media reinforces, most possess healthy, traditional aspirations for connection, seeking serious partnerships and long-term commitment.

We are living through a historic dating recession, but it is a crisis of design, not of desire.

Here lies the great paradox of our time: We are living through a historic dating recession, but it is a crisis of design, not of desire. Nearly 70% of young adults who say they want to marry are not actively dating; they are going out only a few times a year, or not at all. The longing for intimacy is as strong as it has ever been, but a gap has opened between aspiration and action. Young adults are trapped in the stands, eager to get onto the field, but uncertain how to navigate the modern path to connection, dating, and life-long love.

How did we get here—and more importantly, how do we help young adults step back into the arena?

From Covenant to Consumerism

As a clinical psychologist and college professor, I see this dilemma play out every week. In office hours and therapy sessions, young adults share their deep hopes for a lifelong partner. Yet, when they try to navigate today’s digital marketplace (or even real-life spaces for connection), they enter a system engineered to treat human beings like commodities.

When dating apps present an endless catalog of potential partners, choice overload kicks in and paralyzes decision-making. And when a young adult ponders asking out that new neighbor, they often hold up a mental checklist of “must have’s.” Sociologists call this commodification—the shift from a covenantal view of relationships to a consumeristic one. In a covenantal model, partners are viewed as unique, irreplaceable human beings, bound by a commitment that transcends shifting feelings. In a consumer model, partners are products. They are evaluated, selected, and discarded based on their immediate return on investment.

Their digital-culture brains have trained young adults to discard an imperfect product rather than do the hard work of building a genuine connection.

Think about how we shop online: If we buy a sweater and notice a single loose thread, we don't try to repair it—we send it back because there are ten thousand other sweaters on that digital storefront (and free shipping, too). Today’s single young adults have been trained to view potential partners through that same lens. In a world of infinite swipes, they’ve stopped looking for reasons to stay in relationships and find themselves attuned to the tiniest excuse to leave.

This consumer mindset has birthed the phenomenon of “the ick.” When a date exhibits a minor imperfection—chewing too loudly or wearing an off-trend outfit—the individual’s psychology shifts into defensive mode. “The ick” becomes a subconscious emergency brake. Their digital-culture brains have trained young adults to discard an imperfect product rather than do the hard work of building a genuine connection with a flawed but worthy human being.

The Myth of Effortless Perfection

Compounding this consumer mindset is what relationship scientists call destiny beliefs—the widespread myth of the “soulmate.” In reviewing data for my book, Reimagining Your Love Story, 94% of never-married singles in their twenties believed that when they marry, it must be to their soulmate, and 88% believed there was one specific person destined just for them. Other national polls puts this belief a little lower, in the range of 60–80%. 

Whatever the exact figure, when you combine the common soulmate belief with hyper-filtered social media depictions of romance, you create impossible psychological pressure. So, many young adults begin to believe that true compatibility should be effortless. If friction arises—which it inevitably does in any human connection—they think, “This must not be ‘The One,’” and head for the exit. When young adults buy into destiny beliefs, face endless choice overload, and live in a culture that mistakenly treats emotional dependency as a sign of weakness, they protect themselves with ambiguity. They retreat into “situationships” or casual “stayovers.”

The Relationship Education Blind Spot

For decades, the field of relationship education has done remarkable work. It has designed evidence-based curricula to teach relationship literacy to youth and young adults, prepare engaged couples for marriage, strengthen existing marriages, and support couples in crisis.

Young adults don't need better algorithms. They need the courage to tolerate human imperfection, the tools to communicate clearly, and the cultural permission to choose commitment over convenience.

Yet, we have suffered from what has become a glaring blind spot, especially given the digital world we live in today: We overlooked the pathway to marriage. We left the critical stage of dating initiation and marriage formation almost entirely to commercial algorithms and hookup culture. As a result, today’s young adults suffer from an acute skills and confidence deficit. The Dating Recession report reveals that only 1-in-3 young men and 1-in-5 young women feel confident simply approaching someone in real life that they find attractive.

Once again, they don't lack desire; instead, they lack social courage, practical blueprints, and supportive social environments that encourage real-world interaction.

The Dating Education Action Network

Young adults do not need better algorithms. They need the courage to tolerate human imperfection, the tools to communicate clearly, and the cultural permission to choose commitment over convenience.

To meet this challenge, we cannot remain passive observers. That is why we (Alan Hawkins, the primary author of The Dating Recession report, Shaunti Feldhahn, and I) have formed the Dating Education Action Network (DEAN). DEAN is a new, multidisciplinary working group bringing together relationship educators, psychologists, researchers, faith leaders, and community mentors. In the few months since The Dating Recession report was published, we have been pleasantly surprised to learn how many people have already identified this problem and are trying to do something about it. DEAN will help these “dating activists” learn from and support each other. Our goal is to turn the tide on the dating recession.

Together, we are working to:

• Promote a Cultural Paradigm Shift: Moving away from transactional, consumeristic romance and toward a growth-oriented, character-first framework for partnership.
• Develop Research-Based Curricula: Equipping educators and mentors with practical interventions that teach real-world dating skills, healthy risk-taking, and emotional resilience.
• Create Practical Social Pathways: Supporting local communities, campuses, and churches in designing real-life environments where young adults can connect naturally and practice relational skills.
• Forward an Actionable Research Agenda: Evaluating what programs and environmental interventions actually work to help young adults move from isolation into flourishing dating relationships.

A Call to Action

The deep human desire for connection has not changed. We were made for relationship—to know and be known, to choose and be chosen. We reject the idea that the dating recession is a permanent shift in human nature. Instead, we believe it is a systemic gap that we, as professionals and activists, have the power to bridge. We need clinicians, pastors, educators, researchers, and mentors who are dedicated to helping young adults learn the skills to healthy dating and build the pathways to achieve their relationship aspirations. And we need courageous and talented people who will stand up for love, champion the beauty of healthy sacrifice, and model what it looks like to choose “we” over “me.”

The DEAN Launch Event

We invite practitioners, researchers, faith leaders, advocate, and teachers to become part of this movement. DEAN will hold its official online kick-off meeting on October 7, 2026. We will start by hearing what efforts you are already making in this arena, those you are aware of, and those you might want to do. If you are a practitioner, researcher, faith leader, or advocate eager to help young adults navigate the path to lasting love, we need your voice and expertise. Please join us!

Register here for the October Zoom kickoff event.

Andrea Gurney, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, professor of psychology at Westmont College, author of Reimagining Your Love Story: Biblical and Psychological Practices for Healthy Relationships, and creator of Marriage Bootcamp—a research-backed e-course designed to help couples strengthen their marriage.

*Photo credit: Shutterstock