Faith, Foster Care, and the Surprising Path to Flourishing

Martin and Lily Silva* adopted Marci and Marlene from Guatemala. Although they had two biological sons already, the thought of welcoming children in need of a family inspired them deeply. Adoption was costly and complicated, but the Silvas’ faith and the example of several families from their church tipped the scales. Nearly 50 people were waiting at the airport to welcome the family when they arrived home. 

The years that followed were full of joyful moments—birthday parties, first bike rides, family vacations. Both girls were at least 10 months behind developmentally when they became Silvas, but with the shift from orphanage to family life, the gap shrunk rapidly, especially for Marci. However, as the girls entered adolescence, Marlene’s struggles intensified. Tensions with her parents grew common and increasingly volatile. She withdrew from most friendships save the few that seemed to pull in the wrong direction. By her senior year, she’d been kicked out of two high schools. As Marci headed to college, Marlene entered a rehab program. Now in her early 20s, she’s two years clean and says she appreciates her family but is still making choices that are anything but ideal.       

Martin and Lily describe their experience with adoption as “the hardest thing we’ve ever done but also one of the best.” In fact, a few years after adopting the girls, they became foster parents, welcoming a half-dozen children over several years, all of whom eventually returned to their parents or kin. Each fostering situation carried its own unique challenges, some even serious—including the time a foster brother set Marci’s bedroom on fire. Another used the family’s laptops to download porn and send it to others. But through it all, the family grew deeper and closer, as they walked through these times together. Martin and Lily helped their children interpret even the hardest things as part of what it meant to live out their faith, praying over each situation together. 

New Data on Faith, Adoption, and Foster Care in America

The Silvas’ commitment to welcoming children into their family, despite many hardships, is compelling but not unique. A recent national survey from the Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO) finds that religious faith is a powerful driver of family involvement in foster care and adoption. But the findings go further, suggesting that the families most deeply engaged in this work aren’t merely surviving—many are thriving despite, or perhaps in part because of, the tremendous challenges they often face along the way.

Most every child in need of a safe home—whether temporary or permanent—has experienced deep hurt, from physical or sexual abuse to severe neglect to heartbreaking loss. Families that open their hearts and homes to these children often share in that pain, sometimes deeply. The same can be said of other forms of child welfare service, too, from frontline social work or leading a nonprofit to aiding parents in crisis.

Given the difficulty, it’s little surprise that personal faith plays a major role in drawing people to this service. The CAFO study, which surveyed more than 1,500 Americans from diverse backgrounds, found strong connections between faith and active service to vulnerable children and families.

According to the findings, people of all major faiths are more likely to step into the lives of children in the foster system than those with no religious affiliation (commonly referred to as religious “nones”). The difference is especially pronounced among Christians, who are nearly twice as likely to adopt and over three times more likely to foster children compared to “nones.”

These faith-motivated individuals are more likely to donate money and goods for child welfare efforts as well (45% vs. 24%). They’re also more than twice as likely to serve personally in many other ways, too, including:

• Volunteering with nonprofits that support children and families (20% vs. 9%)
• Supporting foster/adoptive families directly (24% vs. 11%)
• Aiding biological families in crisis (19% vs. 9%)

Notably, the more devoted a person is to their faith, the more likely they are to do each of these things. 

All this echoes much previous research finding consistent links between private faith and public good—from charitable giving, volunteerism, and marriage health to an array of other benefits. But our new findings add a fresh and perhaps more intriguing insight. Even amidst the serious struggles that often come with foster care and adoption, families that choose to serve in this way are significantly more likely to report they are thriving, especially religious families. 

Even amidst the serious struggles that often come with foster care and adoption, families that choose to serve in this way are significantly more likely to report they are thriving, especially religious families. 

Among non-religious respondents who have not fostered or adopted, fewer than 5% describe their well-being as “flourishing.” Among Christians who have fostered or adopted, that figure jumps by four times to 20 percent. An additional 39% of Christians who have fostered/adopted say they’re doing “pretty good,” compared to 28% of religious nones. This trend holds true even between people of shared faith: Christians who’ve fostered or adopted report flourishing at rates two and half times fellow believers who haven’t done the same.

We see the reverse at the other end of the spectrum. Nearly 20% of non-religious respondents who’ve not fostered or adopted report being in the worst-off category (“struggling”)—versus just 2% of Christians who've fostered or adopted. 

Thriving in the Face of Tremendous Challenges

This does not mean that foster care and adoption are pathways to ease or comfort. The opposite is often true. There’s clearly something happening here that challenges typical notions of what makes for human flourishing. Is it that people who are already thriving are more likely to take on hard things? Or is it that doing hard things helps people to thrive?  

Over more than two decades in this work, I’ve seen both statements prove true. For many, the life-altering decision to foster or adopt flows from a distinctly whole-life kind of faith. It’s an entire ecosystem that includes earnest belief and daily faith practices like prayer and daily devotions; a vibrant church community; the cultivation of virtues like thanksgiving, forgiveness, and unselfishness; strong commitments to family and marriage, even when things get rocky; and a willingness to sacrifice in answer to God’s call.  Over time, all of these factors work together to help families not only endure immense difficulties, but to grow and even flourish amidst them.

To be clear, the process is rarely linear. The “flourishing” part may feel elusive, even laughable, for families in the hardest years of adoption or fostering. But those who remain rooted in their community and faith often find themselves transformed by the very hardships they’ve faced. That’s exactly what I’ve observed with the Silva family. 

The Silvas acknowledge they carry bruises from their adoption and foster care journey, especially Lilly. She still cries about it sometimes and prays for all her kids daily. But alongside those hurts, I also see a rare depth and character in the Silvas, including their biological sons—a deep wisdom, compassion, steady faith, and persevering strength. They’re even considering fostering again, having quit years ago to focus on Marci’s struggles. 

As Martin expressed to me, 

It’s been brutal at times. But I wouldn’t give it up—not for anything. Our daughters needed us. And nothing in life, absolutely nothing, has done more to grow us all to be more like Jesus.

This outlook cuts upstream against cultural narratives teaching that pain should be shunned, that difficult relationships are “toxic,” and that our greatest needs are comfort and self-care. But after many years walking alongside countless families who’ve embraced both the good and the bad of adoption and foster care, I’m increasingly confident that flourishing often grows not in spite of adversity—but through it.

Ultimately, this is not only the personal experience of many foster and adoptive families; it also reflects the age-old convictions at the heart of the Christian faith, which teaches that even the hardest trials can produce perseverance and character,  it is more blessed to give than receive, and, ultimately, we find life only by giving it away.

Jedd Medefind serves as president of the Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO), an alliance of 300 organizations serving vulnerable children and families worldwide.  He previously led the office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives for President George W. Bush.

*Note: To protect family privacy, the details of several real-life family stories have been combined by the author.