Every Marriage Needs a Bootcamp

Like anything worth mastering in life, success depends on understanding the rules of the game. Whether it’s excelling at work, competing on a tennis court, or performing in a concert hall, you can’t play well without knowing the strategies, rhythms, and fundamentals that make things work. Marriage is no different.

Growing up in a single-parent home, I had no firsthand model for what a healthy marriage looked like. I entered young adulthood with a deep curiosity—and a lot to learn. Fortunately, my love of psychology began early and, along with my faith, became a foundation and a guide for understanding how relationships function and flourish. Still, I often wonder: how do people build thriving marriages without the benefit of formal study? 

Given that healthy relationships are one of the strongest predictors of human flourishing, you’d think relationship education would be required learning. Yet most of us enter our most intimate partnerships with little to no formal training—hoping instinct alone will guide us.

From Falling to Standing in Love

Unfortunately, feelings and instinct are not reliable guides. When we let emotion alone steer us, we drift—falling in and out of love with the tides. True intimacy asks something steadier of us, I believe: not just to fall in love, but to stand in it—to practice love as an intentional, grounded, and ongoing choice.

That conviction has shaped my entire clinical approach. I’ve always been passionate about integrating psychoeducation into my work as a couples and family therapist—teaching my clients practical skills, sharing research on what makes relationships thrive, and helping partners understand the “why” behind their dynamics. So, when the pandemic hit in 2020, and the stress of quarantine exposed fractures in even the strongest partnerships, I knew couples needed more structured support. My existing clients were struggling, former couples were reaching out, and my own marriage was feeling the strain. 

True intimacy asks something steadier of us—not just to fall in love, but to stand in it; to practice love as an intentional, grounded, and ongoing choice.

In response, I created Marriage Bootcamp—a six-week online course designed to help couples deepen friendship and sexual intimacy, strengthen communication and problem-solving, understand financial values, and learn how their past shapes the way they love. The truth is, I needed the reminders as much as anyone else.

Thriving relationships, after all, aren’t built on chemistry or compatibility alone; practical, research-backed skills are needed. Marriage Bootcamp was designed with this simple but transformational premise: healthy relationships are cultivated through intentional effort, understanding, and daily habits that reinforce connection. My mission was to translate decades of psychological science into accessible, practical education for real relationships. Since its launch, hundreds of couples have completed Marriage Bootcamp, bringing with them a wide range of histories, challenges, and hopes for their relationships. 

The Framework

Each of the six modules of Marriage Bootcamp combine teaching—supported by research—and practical exercises that are guided in reflection to help couples deepen their friendship and build a stronger foundation for lasting intimacy. The course guides couples through the core elements that shape long-term connection, exploring how early experiences and attachment patterns influence the way couples love, communicate, and respond to conflict. They learn research-informed communication skills, including how to listen more effectively, express needs clearly, and repair disconnection when it occurs. At its core, Marriage Bootcamp is about equipping couples with the insight and tools to move from reactive to intentional, and from patterns of disconnection to cycles of repair and growth. It’s a journey toward understanding that love, at its best, is both an art and discipline.

Learning New Love Lessons

Whether you’re engaged, newly married, decades into partnership, or somewhere in between, there is always room to grow. Relationships are living systems—they evolve, stretch, and sometimes stumble under the weight of life’s demands. But with the right tools, understanding, and a shared commitment to learning, couples can strengthen their bond at any stage. Flourishing relationships don’t just happen; they’re intentionally built, one conversation, one choice, one act of kindness at a time.

So wherever you find yourself today, consider what it might look like to stand more fully in love. Perhaps that means practicing better listening, revisiting your shared dreams, or simply making time to laugh together again. The work of love is ongoing—but it is also deeply rewarding. And it starts, as all meaningful change does, with a single, intentional step forward.

Andrea Gurney, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, professor of psychology at Westmont College, author of Reimagining Your Love Story: Biblical and Psychological Practices for Healthy Relationships, and creator of Marriage Bootcamp—a research-backed e-course designed to help couples strengthen their marriage.