In the lead-up to Valentine’s Day 2024, an editorial appeared in the pages of the Wall Street Journal, the prestigious American newspaper usually known for its analysis of business and the economy, with a surprising piece of relationship advice. “Don’t Buy the Soulmate Myth,” its headline urged, warning readers that romance is not enough to forge a stable and happy marriage. The festivity’s sentimentalism, the author argued, undermines those qualities that lead to enduring relationships.
The author, Brad Wilcox, a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia and one of the world’s leading experts on marriage and family, was not offering a personal opinion or a point of doctrine, but was explaining the results of decades of sociological research. The idea that there is one person out there uniquely capable of making you happy is a myth, and those who buy into it are apt to see their relationships fizzle when the flames of romance dim, as such flames inevitably do. Instead, compatibility develops over time as couples grow and share a life together. People who obsess over finding happiness are the least likely to be happy, Wilcox noted, but those who “seek not so much to feel good as to do good, by loving their spouse and family members in various ways, are actually more likely to end up happy in their marriage.”