Highlights
In his recent IFS post, Aaron Renn considers why so many young men are attracted to the manosphere, and he offers suggestions to guide boys to become better men. He criticizes me, by name, for encouraging boys to be “gentlemen.” He advises all of us to “avoid appeals to retro concepts and norms”—such as my recommendation that we teach boys to become men who do not take advantage of intoxicated women.
Interestingly, Renn cites the work of pollster Daniel Cox at some length—with approval. But he appears not to have read Cox’s excellent new book, Generation Uncoupled, which is full of fascinating data showing that young women are increasingly wary of young men, and young men have become suspicious and untrusting of women. “Uncoupled” indeed. At the end of the book, Cox calls for a return to chivalry, “not to diminish women, but to recover a model of masculinity that benefited society.” Hmm. That’s certainly “an appeal to retro concepts and norms.” But Cox defends his call for a return to chivalry at length, and I found his arguments compelling.
In the new edition of my book Boys Adrift, I share examples of real programs, such as Boys to Men, that are working to form boys into better men. When I have spoken with co-founders Craig McClain and Joe Sigurdson, they do not hesitate to appeal to traditional values and norms to inspire boys. And they now have 30 years of data showing the effectiveness of their program: boys who participate experience an 85% drop in school discipline referrals.
My briefest rebuttal to Renn's criticism of my article would be to quote C. S. Lewis:
We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.
Renn’s essay is largely negative, explaining what he didn’t like about my post for IFS, or about Chris Hatch’s viral social media post in which Hatch advised young men to stop playing video games, get a haircut, and take a shower (among other measures) to make themselves more attractive to young women. But Renn did not offer any concrete statement of what men should be, or how to get them there. Instead, he gave only vague anodyne suggestions like “understand a person's reality” and “care about [their] well-being.” As a family doctor with 30+ years' experience, who has visited more than 500 schools, I have worked with hundreds of boys. And I can tell you that these suggestions won’t get you very far. We must provide a positive model that boys can understand and work toward. And that may require “appeals to retro concepts and norms,” like learning how to be gentleman.
Current American popular culture offers few good role models, so we have to give young men something to aspire to. Which is why I agree with Cox: Bring back chivalry.
Leonard Sax MD PhD is a practicing family physician, psychologist, and the author of the new edition of Boys Adrift: the six factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men (Basic Books).
Editor's Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or views of the Institute for Family Studies.
