Is the Rise in Cohabitation Fueling a Marriage Slowdown?

Cohabitation has not always been the norm, but times have certainly changed. A recent study from the Pew Research Center found that 77% of American adults ages 38-43 have lived together with an unmarried romantic partner at some point in their lives.

Modern family life is shaped by diverse set of factors, but this data makes one thing clear: premarital cohabitation is one reason the American marriage motto has moved from “early and often” to “less and later.”

The median age for first marriage in 1975 was 24 for a man and 21 for a woman. Today it is 31 and 28, respectively. Roughly 70% of adults at the time were married. Today, only about half are. One reason for both changes is the prevalence of non-marital cohabitation. In the 1960s, the typical husband and wife met, married, and moved in together within three years. Sharing a home happened after marriage because living together with an unmarried partner was not a widespread social phenomenon. 

But couples today are on a very different relationship timeline. No longer is “shacking up” reserved for couples who are in committed relationships for years en route to marriage. Today, it is quite common for young adults to live together after a few months of dating and without a clear path to the altar. This reduces the urgency to marry—in part because cohabitation has a different role in the modern life-and-love script.

Cornerstone or Capstone?

In the “cornerstone model” of marriage, a couple’s union is the foundation of a life they build together. This is typically characterized by marrying in their 20s and hitting major milestones during their marriage.

But in the “capstone model” of marriage, couples wed after meeting several personal and professional goals related to education, employment, and economic security. One reason capstone marriages are on the rise is the fact that many couples who desire long-term romantic partnership live together for years before deciding they are ready for a lifelong commitment.

Economic factors undoubtedly play a role in their relationship calculus, but there are also personal reasons for their caution. Many are the products of divorced parents. Others have parents who were never married and do not assign the same value to the institution.

But the most obvious driver is the social approval of cohabitation. Nearly 80% of Americans ages 18 to 29 believe cohabitation is acceptable, even if a couple doesn’t plan to get married. More than 60% of adults over 50 also share that view.

The rise in cohabitation will likely continue to fuel our national slowdown in marriage.

This is one reason only about 1 in 4 cohabiters who are not engaged said they felt any pressure from society or their family to marry their partner. Religion is one of the few reasons cohabitation does not have complete cultural acceptance. Among adults who are religiously unaffiliated, 90% accept cohabitation without a plan for marriage. Only 35% of white evangelicals and 47% of black Protestants share that view.

Claims that a cohabiting couple is “playing house” sound archaic today. So does the familiar question, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Both were used to signal the social disapproval of couples who wanted the benefits of marriage—sexual intimacy, companionship, and emotional support—without the commitment. Modern relationships are guided by the belief that you need to “test drive a car before you buy it.” 

The Risks of Cohabitation

But the rise in cohabitation comes with its own set of complications. Researchers from the University of Denver found that cohabitation was associated with a higher risk of divorce, especially among couples who moved in together prior to being engaged. The risk of marital dissolution was also higher for adults who had lived with more partners.

The negative effects of cohabitation also extend to children. About two-thirds of cohabiting couples with children break up before their child turns 12. The comparable rate for married couples is 25 percent. These figures are more relevant today than ever because 40% of American children are born to unmarried parents and the percentage of mothers who were cohabiting at the time of their first birth has increased from 17% in the 1990s to 24% in the 2020s. 

Ultimately, policymakers concerned about the future of the American family must grapple with both the popularity of cohabitation and its incompatibility with forming strong families. Perhaps the “success sequence” is the best vehicle to equip Gen Z and Alpha with this information. It is important for young people to know that they can virtually guarantee a life free from poverty if they finish high school, get a job, and get married before having children. But they should also learn about the risks associated with cohabitation.

Only time will tell if a concerted effort from parents, religious leaders, and cultural tastemakers can reverse the current trends in family formation. Until then, one thing is clear: the rise in cohabitation will continue to fuel our national slowdown in marriage.

Delano Squires is the Director of the Richard and Helen DeVos Center for Human Flourishing at The Heritage Foundation and author of The Vanishing Black Family: How Welfare and Feminism Made Marriage Optional and Children Vulnerable.

Editor's Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views, policies, or positions of the Institute for Family Studies.

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