Highlights
Editor's Note: Should we encourage young people to get married in their 20s? This week, we are running a series of essays responding to that question in response to Brad Wilcox's "Get Married Young" essay that appeared recently in Compact magazine. In addition to Lisa Britton's response below, we will hear from Mark Regnerus, Emily Ekins, and David and Amber Lapp.
I was strolling down a quiet Parisian street late last year, heading toward the Rodin Museum, when a wave of devastating clarity washed over me. I had tagged a few extra days onto an advocacy trip to London, convincing myself that a solo jaunt in the most romantic city would be the ultimate adventure. But as I walked alone, the truth crashed down: I’m so tired of this—tired of being alone. A trip to Paris is infinitely more enjoyable when you’re sharing croissants and museum whispers with someone you love. The “eat, pray, love” fantasy sounds liberating on paper, but from someone who has experienced both—traveling hand-in-hand with a partner and wandering solo—I can say with certainty that the latter often leaves you hollow. Solo life, for all its Instagram-filtered glamour, simply cannot compete with shared joy.
I’m now in my late 30s, childless and unmarried. Sadly, I fear I’ve become the very figure younger women are warned about today: the cautionary tale of what happens when you put family on the back burner for too long. Women who delay starting a family may one day wake up and discover that children are no longer biologically feasible. I accept full accountability for my choices. I understand I’m exactly where my decisions have led me. But acceptance doesn’t silence the urge to speak plainly to the next generation to counter decades of feminist “girlboss” messaging: if you want love and a family, don’t wait.
Brad Wilcox’s recent essay in Compact, “Get Married Young,” is a much-needed antidote to the cultural script I once swallowed whole. He argues that marrying in one’s 20s—far from “throwing your life away”—is the surest path to meaning, happiness, and the family most women ultimately crave. Drawing on data from the General Social Survey and the American Family Survey, Wilcox shows that married mothers ages 22-35 are nearly three times more likely to report being “very happy” than their single, childless peers (41% vs. 14%). They are also far less lonely. Young married fathers feel the same surge in purpose and satisfaction. His message echoes what the late Charlie Kirk urged: reject the “Midas mindset” that tells twenty-somethings to chase careers, travel, and self-discovery first. Family doesn’t diminish life; it multiplies it.
In my late-20s and into my 30s, I was engaged to a wonderful man—older, divorced, with three children he adored. He was honest from the start: he didn’t want more kids. Influenced by the same feminist messaging that promised we could “have it all,” I convinced myself a ready-made family was enough. I was a “modern woman!”
By the time motherhood became a goal for me, the window had narrowed dramatically.
We were best friends. We built routines and created something beautiful. Then, my identical twin sister had a baby boy. Something primal awakened in me. My biological clock didn’t just tick—it screamed. I realized the career-first, put-off children script I’d followed had quietly postponed the very desire for motherhood it had told me to ignore. We parted ways amicably, out of love and respect, because staying together would have meant one of us sacrificing a core longing. As I wrote in Evie, no one tells you how lonely calling off an engagement can be: the grief over lost family circles, the awkward explanations, the sudden solo apartment hunt in your mid-30s. Yet I have zero regrets. Ending it was courageous. It also taught me that timing in love is everything. I then decided to devote myself to becoming whole and strong, and if someone entered my life, that would be the way. Years have now gone by, and the realization that there may not be children for me has become clearer every day.
This experience led me to write “They Lied to Us About Having It All—and It’s Costing Us Our Children” for Evie. The lie was simple: prioritize the corner office, the passport stamps, the “you go, girl” independence. Marriage and babies could wait until “later.” Biology, however, doesn’t negotiate. Wilcox himself cites the stark statistics: women who reach 30 without having started a family have roughly a 52% chance of ever having children. Fertility plummets after 30, miscarriage risks rise, and the emotional toll of fertility treatments or the quiet mourning of never-held babies is devastating. I’ve watched friends weep after being told it was too late. I’ve seen successful women trade relationships for promotions, only to realize the promotion couldn’t fill the ache. The “have it all” gospel didn’t liberate us—it left a generation grieving the children we were told we could defer.
This is why young marriage can be such a gift for women who hope to become mothers. Marrying in your 20s aligns with the natural fertility window adolescent girls are never taught about early enough. It gives you time—time to have the two, three, or four children many women quietly desire before the risks compound. It spares you the medical roulette of “advanced maternal age.” It offers the energy to chase toddlers without the exhaustion that comes later. And, as Wilcox notes, it surrounds you with a partner and community during the decade when dating pools shrink and work demands intensify. You also will give more time for grandparents to experience life with their grandchildren.
My own story proves the alternative: by the time motherhood became a goal for me, the window had narrowed dramatically.
None of this means we should scare adolescent girls into panic. They don’t need horror stories that if they’re not married by 30, they’re doomed—plenty of women build beautiful families later in life. What teenage girls need is honest, hopeful messaging that marriage and family are not obstacles to a meaningful life but its deepest source. We need to teach them that finding a good man who shares your faith and values in college or in your 20s is not “settling”—it’s strategic wisdom. Tell them that babies are not career killers but purpose multipliers. Counter the endless parade of single-girl travel reels and boss-babe podcasts with stories of young wives who prioritize love and nurturing before self, status, and careers. Stop demonizing those who left cubicles for cribs and never looked back. Emphasize compatibility, shared routines, and the exponential joy Wilcox’s sources describe: dinner tables full of laughter, holidays full of giving, love that grows instead of withers.
I waited too long. At my age now, I believe it would be irresponsible to chase pregnancy with the same intensity I once chased deadlines. The risks—to my health, to a potential child—are real. Rather than forcing the issue out of longing or regret, I choose to see what unfolds, trusting that peace comes from alignment, not desperation. That stance is hard-won, and it is mine.
What teenage girls need is honest, hopeful messaging that marriage and family are not obstacles to a meaningful life but its deepest source.
I’ll gladly be the warning. Don’t put off love and family because modern society—obsessed with self, status, and stuff—tells you there’s always more time. There isn’t. Brad Wilcox is right: if you find the right person in your 20s, don’t hesitate. Commit. Build the life that actually fills the soul.
I’m now in a relationship with a man, divorced with three sons. I’m beyond happy and know that this is what was destined for me. In these modern times, with the divorce rates stubbornly high, I do realize there is a need for nurturing, feminine women to step in and become support systems for divorced fathers, although we shouldn’t necessarily promote that as goals for younger generations. There are many paths to family, but I feel it’s important to emphasize to younger generations that if having your own children is a dream, dive in. Don’t be afraid to pursue that and certainly don’t put it off. The opportunity could pass you by.
The Paris streets are lovelier when you’re not walking them alone—and the future is brighter when you start building it before the clock begins to run out…
“The trouble is you think you have time.” - Buddha
Lisa Britton is a writer for Evie Magazine and a contributor to publications, including the LA Times. A passionate advocate for boys, men, and fathers, she was born in Nova Scotia as the youngest of five children. Her work in Washington D.C. has earned attention from members of Congress, presidential candidates, a First Lady, and a President of the United States.
*Photo credit: Shutterstock
