Highlights
- Moms, especially married moms, are happier than childless women. Post This
- Married parents are over twice as likely (37%) to report being very happy as unmarried parents (16%). Post This
- Roan mistakenly buys into the cultural myth that happiness only exists in the absence of hardship. But married moms often find greater happiness precisely because of the challenges that should make them miserable. Post This
Chappell Roan caused quite a stir on social media following her appearance on the Call Her Daddy podcast,where she made a few bold remarks about parenthood. “All of my friends who have kids are in hell,” she said, adding: “I don’t know anyone who’s happy and has children at this age . . . anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.”
Her viral quotes have garnered much criticism, especially from moms, who report that since having children, they have been happier and more fulfilled. One response came from Tessa Smith, a popular influencer, who posted a series of images with her young child on Instagram. The caption? “Dear @chappellroan, I’ve never had more light in my eyes.”
Roan’s recent comments reflect a popular sentiment against family from an increasing number of young people who are choosing to opt out of marriage and parenthood. With a declining fertility rate, her comments raise questions that more Americans seem to be asking. “Is having a child worth it?” “Will getting married and having kids make me happy?” Roan seems to suggest the answer is no, parenthood does not lead to happiness. But recent research tells a different story: married parents, in general, and especially moms, are happier than their childless counterparts.
Married Moms Are Happiest
According to a recent survey conducted by YouGov for the IFS and Wheatley Institute, most married women report the opposite of what Roan implied on Call Her Daddy. Moms, especially married moms, are happier than childless women.
As the figure above illustrates, 21% of married moms report being very happy, compared to just 10% of unmarried women without children. These findings contradict the popular myth that moms are by and large stressed and miserable. In fact, women in Roan’s demographic—unmarried and childless—are more likely to report lower levels of happiness: 44% of unmarried and childless women claimed they were “not too happy” as compared to only 24% of married moms.
Married Parents Have a Happiness Advantage
General Social Survey data from 2018 to 2022 corroborates the theory that married parents report the highest levels of happiness. Among married adults, those with children report an 11-percentage-point advantage over their childless counterparts. In addition, married parents are over twice as likely (37%) to report being very happy as unmarried parents (16%). It appears that individuals who are in relationships that create strong familial bonds are the happiest.
Activities With Children More Meaningful
An IFS analysis of the American Time Use Survey (ATUS) found that individuals report higher levels of meaningfulness during activities with children. For instance, 57% of time spent traveling with kids was reported as highly meaningful as opposed to just 33% of time traveling with others. Likewise, 57% of time spent eating and drinking with kids was rated as highly meaningful, but only 41% of the time spent dining with others was. Even mundane household chores were better with kids, with individuals reporting higher levels of meaningfulness when accompanied by children. Sure, the activities measured here don’t include late-night tantrums during diaper changes or messes around the house, but the data point to a reality that is sadly becoming lost to many single and childless young adults: meaning and happiness are found in difficulty.
Why Are Married Moms Happier?
What Roan and other parenthood critics fail to recognize is the joy that comes with raising children. To most mom and dads, parenthood is more than a cost-benefit analysis, and happiness is found not in the ease or convenience of child-rearing but in the meaning and satisfaction it brings to life. Recall Roan’s exact phrasing: “I don’t know anyone who’s happy and has children at this age… anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.” True, sleepless nights are one of the many difficulties that parents face, but for most parents, watching their children grow up is a uniquely fulfilling experience.
Indeed, it may sometimes feel like being in “hell,” or some version of it, but that does not mean there is no joy overall. Roan mistakenly buys into the cultural myth that happiness only exists in the absence of hardship. In reality, married mothers may find greater happiness precisely because of the challenges that should make them miserable. The deep, intimate bonds of family are forged through commitment—a commitment that endures despite the exhaustion, frustration, and challenges that come with raising children.
Parenthood is more than a cost-benefit analysis, and happiness is found not in the ease or convenience of child-rearing but in the meaning and satisfaction it brings to life.
Chappell Roan’s comments are the latest example of the unhealthy narratives on parenthood that have been reinforced all over the internet. The cultural emphasis on complete independence, effortlessness, and convenience has caused many young people to believe that happiness is only to be found in these perfect conditions. This harmful mindset, coupled with the rising costs of living, childcare expenses, and economic uncertainty makes it understandable why many hesitate at the idea of having a child. But what parenthood skeptics fail to realize is that there are real benefits to married family life, despite the lack of sleep and the daily stresses that come with raising kids. Perhaps recognizing this sacrificial love is what led Roan to double down on her statement later in the podcast. “But they're in hell… 'cause they love their kids.”
Autumn Zeoli is an intern with the Institute for Family Studies and a student at the University of Virginia.
