One Path to Joy

Several years ago, my then-girlfriend (now wife) and I traveled to upstate New York to meet some of my graduate-school friends who’d had their first baby six months earlier. At the time, we were undecided on whether we wanted kids of our own. That weekend we watched my friends parent their baby together like a well-oiled machine, discussing his needs and shuffling around the house to meet them while the four of us laughed and caught up. We marveled as Eric made us pancakes and eggs on a griddle with one free hand while he held the baby cooing against his chest, so that Sara, who was nursing, could nap. “I mean, I’m more tired than I’ve ever been, but I also love it,” she told me later as I rocked the baby. “Being a parent has unlocked a new level of joy.”

To any prospective parents wondering if it’s possible to be happy while parenting, a new study from Brigham Young University’s Wheatley Institute and the Institute for Family Studies may be encouraging. Researchers found that when controlling for education, income, and age, almost twice as many married mothers consider themselves “very happy” (19 percent) compared with unmarried women without children who are in otherwise similar life situations. (Rates of “very happy” are 10 percent for unmarried women without children, 11 percent for married women without children, and 13 percent for unmarried women with children.) These findings are consistent with the results of a much larger study carried out by NORC at the University of Chicago, the 2022 General Social Survey, which also found a happiness advantage among married people, including married mothers.

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