The Benefits of Taking a Gap Year

I recently returned from Israel, where all young adults are required to serve in the military or complete national service. Seeing this in action revived my belief that mandatory national service builds resilience in adolescence. The term resilience has become a buzzword in a world where children and adolescents are breaking down from mental illness in record numbers. Every parent wants to understand how to help their children cope with an increasingly stressful and complex modern world. Although the causes of the mental health crisis are multivariable, the emotional immaturity and confusion in our children over core values and purpose in life is a major contributor. These are key issues that could be addressed through national service during a gap year.

The term voluntary gap year is well known in the United States. More and more young adults are choosing to spend a year working or volunteering for various causes before attending university. It allows them to take a breather after an intense academic journey toward college admittance, but more importantly, it allows them to explore their unique interests and talents and to give back to society in some way. The benefit of this pause in their otherwise linear academic careers is that it allows for questioning, exploring, and emotional maturation. It gives young people a space to focus on others rather than themselves, helping them leave behind the developmental narcissism of adolescence. It also provides a new and different perspective on working and being an adult. And it benefits society by building a sense of empathy toward others.

During my visit, I found Israeli youth to be self-possessed, confident, resilient, and emotionally mature compared to the youth I treat here at home. I spoke with and observed a number of young people in their teens and 20s who were either about to begin or had just completed their national service, and the sentiment of pride was consistent. Many of these young adults were entering the military, which was—for many—frightening. And yet, their desire to serve others and their country overshadowed their fear.

Melanie, a young woman I see in my practice in the United States who took a gap year to do service before entering college, shared with me why she changed her major from law to teaching after this experience: 

It helped me to see my path forward from a different perspective. I thought I wanted to be a lawyer so I could have financial and job security. I wanted to please my parents and have a great life with lots of stuff... but then I tried teaching, and I loved it so much because helping underprivileged children made me feel so good about myself.

Would Melanie have found her calling—her purpose—if she had taken a linear academic path? It’s possible she would have come to the same conclusion at some point in her college experience, but the added benefit of discovering her empathy toward others and the redirection of her self-centeredness at such a young age will benefit both her and the children she teaches.

I am constantly asked how we can help our children become less materialistic and superficial, and how we can support them in finding their purpose. The answer may be as simple as getting them off the conventional academic path—to break from expectations set by us, by society, and ultimately, by themselves. This doesn’t mean everyone will become Melanie and abandon ambitions to become high-powered, high-paid professionals. However, when young adults do pursue their chosen career paths, they will hopefully do so with a different perspective—one that prioritizes serving others as well as themselves.

How we can help our children become less materialistic and support them in finding their purpose? The answer may be as simple as getting them off the conventional academic path.

Joseph, a 19-year-old student I also see in my practice, wanted to become a doctor and did all the right things to get there—taking AP science classes, earning good grades, and scoring well on tests. He had a very clear goal of going straight through college to medical school to become a plastic surgeon, so he could be successful and live a materially comfortable life. But his parents encouraged him to take a gap year working in a clinic in a poor neighborhood before college. That year changed his perspective on medicine. He still wanted to become a doctor—that hadn’t changed—but by working with underserved patients in an overwhelmed medical system, Joseph realized the great need that existed in his own community. He still aspires to be a plastic surgeon, but now plans to devote part of his practice to facial reconstruction for accident victims who could never afford standard fees. Like Melanie, Joseph would likely never have found this calling without a gap year.

We are rushing and pushing our children to set future goals and achieve academically so they can get on a linear career path—before they have even discovered who they are or what they’re capable of. The fearful mentality shared by parents and children alike—that if they don’t start down this path early, they’ll be left behind in a race to nowhere—prevents kids from exploring their possibilities, strengths, and interests. It prevents them from gaining a deeper understanding of their core values and purpose, which, according to the Harvard Grant Study, is rooted in relationships rather than material success. It also prevents them from understanding their role in the collective good, our community and society. National service has the word service in it for a reason. To mature into healthy and happy adults, our children must embrace their capacity to serve others, so they can shed the self-orientation of youth in a modern society that too often fosters narcissism.

Mandatory national service is a controversial idea in the United States and one that makes many parents fearful of a draft. However, we already have a professional military, so a draft may never be necessary, as it is in Israel. Still, some type of national service program in the US—where young people can choose to either serve in the military or some other meaningful way, such as teaching, building, creating, coaching, or supporting the well-being of others—could help our children become emotionally resilient, mature, and find purpose in a world where they so often feel lost and aimless.

Erica Komisar, LCSW is a psychoanalyst and author of Being There:  Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters and Chicken Little The Sky Isn’t Falling:  Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety.

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