Our Phones Are Wrecking Us

The allure of the screen, especially for young children, is undeniable. It's a mesmerizing portal, a seemingly endless source of entertainment and distraction. And while I've long been vocal about the perils of excessive screen time for teens, particularly the siren song of social media—that great unhappiness machine—it's becoming increasingly clear that even our youngest minds are vulnerable to the subtle harms of the digital world. 

Recent research from Australia underscores this concern. 

Scientists observed 220 families, meticulously tracking screen time and its impact on children between the ages of 12 and 36 months. This wasn't a retrospective survey relying on hazy memories; it was a real-time, in-depth analysis of over 7,000 hours of audio, capturing the nuances of parent-child interaction.

What they discovered is a poignant reminder of the delicate balance between the digital and the human. For every minute a toddler spends immersed in a screen, there's a measurable decline in the richness of their language environment. Fewer words spoken by parents, fewer vocalizations from the child, fewer conversational turns—the very building blocks of communication and connection subtly eroded by the allure of the screen. By age three, the cumulative effect is staggering.  Imagine a child's world diminished by:

• over 1,100 adult words each day, 
• over 840 fewer opportunities to express themselves, and
• nearly 200 missed chances to engage in the back-and-forth of conversation.  

These are the threads that weave the tapestry of language, the foundation for literacy, for learning, for understanding the world and our place within it. Stretch it across a month, and we’re up to the loss of 33,000 words, 25,200 vocalizations, and 5,820 conversational turns. And across a year, the numbers are staggering.

Similar studies have looked at kids who are read to versus those who aren’t, and we’re talking about millions of words per year that the non-reading families’ kids are missing out on.

We must put down our own devices, engage in the dance of conversation, and create spaces where language flourishes, imaginations soar, and the bond between parent and child deepens with every shared glance, every whispered word, every playful touch.

But back to this study. Dr. Mary Brushe, the study's lead researcher, explained:

We wanted to understand how much screen time children were exposed to during the early years and whether that interfered with the amount of language these kids heard and spoke in their home. We know the amount of talk and interaction children experience is critical for their early language development; this study highlights that screen time may be getting in the way of that.

And this research doesn't even account for the silent distraction of parents tethered to their own devices, the phenomenon of "technoference" that further fragments the parent-child bond. It's a sobering reminder that even the most well-intentioned parent can inadvertently create a digital barrier between themselves and their child.

This isn't just an Australian story; it's a global trend. A study in Japan echoed these findings, revealing a correlation between increased screen time and lower developmental scores in toddlers. The message is clear: when screens go up, healthy development goes down.

So, what can we do? How do we navigate this digital age while safeguarding the precious potential of our children? It begins with recognizing the screen's seductive power; its ability to lull us into a false sense of ease while quietly undermining the very connections that nourish our children's minds and souls.

If screens are the new smoking—and the data keep piling up pointing in this direction—parents need to be a firewall against Big Tech's relentless push to hook our kids. We must reclaim those moments, those opportunities for genuine interaction. We must put down our own devices, engage in the dance of conversation, and create spaces where language flourishes, imaginations soar, and the bond between parent and child deepens with every shared glance, every whispered word, every playful touch.

This isn't about demonizing technology; it's about reclaiming our agency—about choosing presence over distraction, connection over isolation. It's about remembering that the most profound gifts we can offer our children are not found on a screen, but in the depths of our own hearts and the boundless expanse of the world around us.

Well, maybe it is about demonizing technology just a little bit. Our phones are wrecking us.

Dr. Justin Coulson is a bestselling author, husband, and father of six. His latest book is Miss-Connection.