Four Proven Ingredients of a Happy, Lasting Marriage

What attitudes and behaviors lead to a happier and stronger marriage? A new report from the Institute for Family Studies and the Wheatley Institute provides an answer to that question as we head into National Marriage Week (Feb. 7 to 14).

The new IFS/Wheatley report, For Better: Four Proven Ways to a Strong and Stable Marriage, used data from the 2022 State of Our Unions Survey (SOU22) to identify leading predictors of marital quality. The SOU22 was collected by the survey research firm YouGov in September 2022 and contains responses from 2,000 married men and women in the United States between the ages of 18–55. 

Our analysis identified four factors that are strong predictors of both happiness and stability in marriage for both men and women. Importantly, the strongest predictors of feeling that one’s marriage is “highly unlikely” to end in divorce were the same predictors of being “very happy” in marriage.

It is worth noting that all of these factors are attitudes and behaviors that spouses can actively choose and put into practice in their relationships.

1. Commitment

It should be no surprise that the first factor we found was the depth of commitment spouses have to their spouse and their marriage.

Specifically, wives who completely agreed that their relationship with their husband was one of the most important things in their lives were 399% more likely to be very happy in their marriage than wives who did not report the same amount of commitment to their relationship. For husbands, completely agreeing that their marriage was one of the most important parts of their lives was linked to a 234% increase in the odds of being very happy in their marriage relative to other less committed husbands.  

We found the same pattern when it came to the likelihood of divorce. Specifically, husbands and wives with the highest levels of commitment had odds of reporting that divorce was “not at all likely” that were 306% and 236% higher than their less committed counterparts.

2. Protectiveness 

In our study, spouses were presented with a list of 10 attributes and asked to report how well each trait described their spouse using a response range of “Not at all true” to “Definitely true.” The word list included the personal traits of ambitious, protective, confident, physically strong, good provider, respectful, attractive, loving, and sexually responsive. While several of these traits are associated with marital happiness and stability at the bivariate level, the spousal trait of being “protective” is the real standout in multi-factor models.  

In fact, wives who felt that it was “definitely true” that their husbands are protective were 137% more likely to be very happy in their marriage than their peers who rated their husbands as less protective. Wives with protective husbands were also 134% more likely to report that they have a highly stable marriage than other wives. 

Similarly, husbands who reported that they have highly protective wives were 61% more likely to be very happily married and 98% more likely to be in a highly stable marriage than other husbands with less protective spouses. 

As we explain in our full report, the meaning of protectiveness is key to understanding this finding. We believe that the term “protective” in our study partly captured wives’ sense of physical safety. That is, wives are happier when they are married to men who make them feel physically and emotionally safe. This can cover everything from holding them close on a night out in an area that seems sketchy, to making sure they feel comfortable when attending a large gathering with people they don’t know very well. But it is noteworthy that husbands also are happier when they report their wives are protective. This leads us to hypothesize that “protectiveness” encompasses more than physical safety. We suspect protectiveness is also understood in the sense that a spouse protects the relationship by being loyal and faithful.

3. Shared Church Attendance

Wives who attended church regularly with their husbands had odds of being very happy in marriage that were 112% higher than women who attended less often or not at all. For husbands, regular shared church attendance was associated with a 212% boost in their odds of being very happy in marriage compared with their less religious or non-religious peers. 

Again, we also found that shared religious attendance is strongly linked to having a marriage that lasts. Specifically, wives reporting regular joint worship service attendance had odds of reporting high marital stability that were 124% higher than other wives’ odds. Husbands reporting regular joint worship service attendance had odds of reporting perceived stability that were 116% higher than their less religious peers. 

4. Regular Date Nights

Finally, we found that married couples who have regular date nights are significantly more likely to be happy in their marriages. Wives reporting regular date nights had odds of being very happily married that were 56% higher than wives who went on date nights less often, and husbands who reported regular date nights had odds that were 114% higher than their peers who dated less. 

Similarly, wives with regular date nights had odds of perceived marital stability that were 84% higher than wives who reported less frequent date nights. The fact that this factor was associated with wives’ sense of relationship stability, but was not associated with husbands’ views of divorce proneness suggests that regular date nights may be particularly important to how women appraise the quality of their marriage.   

Taken together, our results indicate that commitment, having a protective spouse, shared religious attendance, and frequent date nights are associated with higher quality marriages in America today.

Download the full IFS/Wheatley report here.