Highlights
Jason, a 10-year-old boy who was the eldest child in his family, had parents who held him to an exceptionally high standard academically, athletically, and morally. Jason would often shut down when his parents lectured him, sometimes viewing porn as a coping mechanism to soothe his feelings of anxiety. Over a series of play therapy sessions, Jason made sand creations depicting his acting out behavior as an “angry volcano” and a sandstorm overcoming a battalion of disoriented soldiers to represent the overwhelming pressure he felt from his parents. The initial focus of the therapy was intended to be Jason’s use of pornography; however, it was quickly determined that the source of his problem lay in anger issues, perfectionism, and his inability to express his feelings. Jason’s story is an example of how the motivations and outcomes of pornography use are often misunderstood.
Some have attributed pornography's widespread use to availability, anonymity, and affordability. Among individuals 18 to 30 years old, 63% of men and 21% of women reported they had viewed pornography at least several times a week. In addition, young adults have reported viewing porn more frequently compared to other age groups.
But how is widespread use of pornography affecting young adults in terms of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and commitment between partners? How does porn affect emotional health, and what are the dangers of using it as a coping mechanism to escape daily stress?
Relationship Satisfaction
Pornography can have an isolating influence on individuals. Using it may increase feelings of sexual desire, yet not necessarily toward a current partner. In fact, pornography use has been found to lower sexual and relationship satisfaction within a current relationship. It can even change the way people have sex. Those who use pornography regularly engage in greater self-stimulation during sex and in more masturbation outside of sex, yet do not report greater levels of sexual satisfaction within a relationship. This may indicate a decrease in the pornography user’s emphasis on having sex to strengthen a relationship and an increased emphasis on personal pleasure.
Through repeated use, pornography can unintentionally lower the level of connectivity a couple feels. In fact, those who use pornography report feeling greater loneliness. It can also undermine commitment as it can lead its users over time to find alternatives to their current relationship more appealing.
Pornography use can also negatively affect an individual’s ability to manage emotions in a healthy way. People view pornography for a host of different reasons. The most common are sexual pleasure, sexual curiosity, emotional distraction or suppression, stress reduction, fantasy, avoiding boredom, lack of sexual satisfaction, and self-exploration. Thus, pornography is an enticing avoidance of uncomfortable emotional states, namely boredom, loneliness, and stress.
However, relying on pornography to regulate stress or other feelings of discomfort can become a vicious cycle where the choice to view pornography is motivated by pleasure-seeking and sexual stimulation. Using pornography to avoid feeling negative emotions does not remedy the source of the pain. Instead, this avoidant behavior can lead to greater distress in the form of compulsive or problematic pornography use. As such, pornography viewing itself is not the illness, but a symptom of emotion dysregulation.
Finding Alternatives to Porn
It is normal and healthy to desire increased sexual confidence, improved sexual technique, a more erotic climate within a relationship, and an emotional outlet. However, pornography’s potential risks to individuals include the objectification of self and others, the undermining of commitment and connection to a partner, loneliness, compulsive use, and emotional dysregulation—risks that outweigh any benefits.
According to the sex tips found in Cosmo and Cleo women’s magazines, “great sex” was at one time depicted as women pleasing men sexually. In addition, “great sex” in the media has often been equated to “performance, technique, novelty, spontaneity, and incredible orgasms.” Contrary to this outlook of what constitutes “great sex,” the findings from interviews conducted in a 2009 study demonstrated that the major components of great sex are being mindful, connected, having deep sexual and erotic intimacy, heightened communication and empathy, being authentic and genuine, transcendence, exploration, and vulnerability. Thus, sexuality is a means of bonding two together not only physically, but emotionally as well. Although intense physical sensation, lust, desire, and chemistry did play a part, they were noted as minor components. “Optimal sex,” the study found, is built on the foundation of emotional attunement with one’s sex partner.
As mentioned previously, viewing pornography is sometimes used as a quick fix to distressing emotions, such as to help a person avoid feeling unbearable discomfort during free time and time alone. As a healthy alternative and coping strategy to experiencing such emotions, there are a host of mindfulness-based practices that have been used to treat problematic pornography use and emotional dysregulation. These include:
- Dispositional mindfulness, the ability to non-judgmentally be present with one’s thoughts and emotions without the intent to evade such situations, is linked to being less susceptible to problematic pornography use. Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention (MBRP) spiritually-based programs teach principles of acceptance and self-compassion, which breaks the cycle of shame and pornography. An analysis of 15 New Zealand heterosexual men’s pornography use offers encouraging findings about the benefits of meditation reduced Self-Perceived Problematic Porn Use (SPPPU), where participants reported decreased rumination, guilt and shame, and improved self-acceptance.
- Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) teaches mindfulness and emotion regulation, which in turn helps increase awareness over one’s thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and behaviors. People who participated in ACT had positive outcomes, including a decrease in the likelihood of developing mental illness, such depression and anxiety, increase in quality of life, elongated sobriety, and greater self-mastery. Other benefits included targeting the root causes of pornography use behavior, including disconnection with others, insecurity, and shame.
Even though some young adults view pornography to enhance the relational and sexual dimensions with their partner or to numb negative emotions, pornography can have adverse effects. With this in mind, it is wise for young adults to consider their reasons for using porn and acknowledge the subsequent long-term effects on relationship satisfaction, stability, and emotional health. Additionally, young adults might consider mindfulness practice as a potential alternative.
Joshua Otani is a senior at Brigham Young University who has plans to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Alyssa Lysenko Brown graduated with her Bachelor’s in Statistics from Brigham Young University and is in the process of applying to clinical psychology graduate programs. Rebecca W. Clarke is working on her PhD in Marriage, Family, and Human Development at Brigham Young University, and her research interests include the intersection of religion and sex, and how to create healthy intimacy. *Chelom E. Leavitt, JD, PhD, who teaches in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University and researches how mindfulness improves the sexual experience, functioning, and relationship quality, consulted on this article.
Editor’s Note: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or views of the Institute for Family Studies.
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